Deconstructing the "Sassy Gay Friend"
There's a long tradition in Judaism of imagining different versions of our favorite stories, from rabbinic midrash to contemporary novels. Comedy troupe The Second City has thrown their hat into the ring this week with a new Youtube video in their "Sassy Gay Friend" series.
In case you aren't familiar with the series, it started several months ago as a goof on the tragic fate of so many of Shakespeare's heroines. Perhaps, the videos suggested, Ophelia, Juliet, Desdemona and the rest would have had happier endings if they only had a BFF to steer them away from trouble. (We'll leave it to JWA for the inevitable deconstruction of what these videos say about gender and sexuality.)
If that's a challenge, I accept. In the videos, Ophelia, Juliet, Desdemona and Eve are each about to do something stupid when their "sassy gay friend" steps in, talks some sense into them, and saves the day. In the video below, the sassy gay friend stops Eve from eating the apple.
My, my. Where to begin. "Sassy Gay Friend" very obviously plays on stereotypes -- the stereotype that gay men exist in order to be women's "sassy gay friends" and the stereotype that women are, as it is repeatedly stated in the videos, "stupid bitches."
The first problem here is the assumption that what each of the women do is stupid. Like, being murdered by your husband, killing oneself, or eating the apple. Let's not forget that these women have in some way been abused, used, tormented, or tricked, and calling their actions "stupid" seems a bit like blaming the victim.
The second problem is the the assumption that gay men are the experts at being women. They're better at it because, well, they're not women. They are able to see these situations more clearly because they don't have "brains made out of rib." They are also able to see these situations clearly because they aren't straight men and therefore distracted by sexual attraction to women. Since they occupy neither space, they exist to teach women (and men on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) how to be "better" straight people. This is obviously demeaning to straight men and women, but also to gay men. In this stereotype, gay men exist only to help straight people, and are therefore reduced to a supporting role and often desexualized so as not to be threatening (think Stanford on Sex and the City).
Finally, I hate the phrase "stupid bitch." The sassy gay friend uses this to refer to Juliet and Ophelia, and then turns it on himself in the clips about Eve and Desdemona. The phrase "stupid bitch" is vile because it invalidates women as real people with legitimate desires, concerns, mental health issues, or opinions. He's saying that women don't have valid reasons for acting the way they do, they just act crazy because they are "stupid bitches." By calling Juliet and Ophelia "stupid bitches," their so-called sassy gay friend dismisses the depression and heartbreak (not to mention the misogynistic and paternalistic forces oppressing the young women) behind each of their suicides as well, silly. By doing this, he is not only insulting women, but anyone who has ever struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide.
All that being said, I actually enjoyed these videos a lot. Incredibly offensive yes, but pretty funny too. That's the thing about comedy -- it plays on horrible stereotypes, is often pretty offensive, and we love it. Just look at Joan Rivers, Sarah Silverman, and any number of other comedians who have made us laugh with highly innapropriate humor.
The best segment, in my opinion, is the one about Juliet. Enjoy!
How to cite this page
Berkenwald, Leah. "Deconstructing the "Sassy Gay Friend"." 28 June 2010. Jewish Women's Archive. (Viewed on September 23, 2017) <https://jwa.org/blog/deconstructing-the-sassy-gay-friend>.