God bless you! You are so on point. As you pointed out, in Jewish tradition no one is under any obligation to forgive until the violator has recognized the harm they did, apologized, and made restitution until the person they abused is satisfied. It's not enough for them to work on fixing themselves: They are under obligation to try to repair the harm they did to other people. Then it's up to the person who was harmed to decide if they are satisfied of not. And if the abuser isn't even trying, there is no need to spend time, energy, emotion or thought on them.
Yom Kippur is, as you say, about *you* individually -- about what *you* need to focus on this year. Your self is as precious as the self of every person, and caring for yourself is valuable and appropriate.
We are a tradition that recognizes the importance and power of standing up for those whose voices aren't heard. Think of Abraham challenging God to act with justice toward cities (Sodom and Gomorrah) where most people were behaving terribly, but where some people might still be following paths of goodness and kindness. Abraham spoke up for the good people -- challenging God! Our tradition even recognizes the importance of righteous anger on behalf of those who cannot stand up for themselves, as a child self could not. So if you are angry, as an adult, on behalf of the child that you used to be -- more power to you. Yasher koach, to say that in Hebrew.
And Yom Kippur is about getting in touch with our regrets and griefs. Taking stock of our lives includes caring for ourselves, being tender to ourselves, because our lives have been imperfect.
The traditional liturgy was written mostly by and for men, who generally experienced themselves to be actors, not acted-upon (at least in their personal lives). For people who have felt themselves to be actors and agents and authors in their own lives, it tends to be most important to focus on the harm done by our own actions to other people. When people who feel powerful feel regret and grief, it is appropriately for what we did, and the longing is to not have done what we did, not to have caused the harm that we caused. These feelings are, however, only the first step toward t'shuvah, toward attempting to fix what we have broken, to repair damage and harm we have done, and if possible to mend relationships. By themselves they are not enough.
For people who have felt themselves to be powerless, acted-upon rather than actors, our regret and grief and longing is for what was taken/harmed/broken in ourselves by other people. It is important to focus on the harm done to our lives as a result of the actions of othersand to honor these feelings of loss and regret on Yom Kippur, as as step toward greater wholeness. This voice hasn't been represented well in our liturgy. Thank you for teaching me to listen for it.
God bless you! You are so on point. As you pointed out, in Jewish tradition no one is under any obligation to forgive until the violator has recognized the harm they did, apologized, and made restitution until the person they abused is satisfied. It's not enough for them to work on fixing themselves: They are under obligation to try to repair the harm they did to other people. Then it's up to the person who was harmed to decide if they are satisfied of not. And if the abuser isn't even trying, there is no need to spend time, energy, emotion or thought on them.
Yom Kippur is, as you say, about *you* individually -- about what *you* need to focus on this year. Your self is as precious as the self of every person, and caring for yourself is valuable and appropriate.
We are a tradition that recognizes the importance and power of standing up for those whose voices aren't heard. Think of Abraham challenging God to act with justice toward cities (Sodom and Gomorrah) where most people were behaving terribly, but where some people might still be following paths of goodness and kindness. Abraham spoke up for the good people -- challenging God! Our tradition even recognizes the importance of righteous anger on behalf of those who cannot stand up for themselves, as a child self could not. So if you are angry, as an adult, on behalf of the child that you used to be -- more power to you. Yasher koach, to say that in Hebrew.
And Yom Kippur is about getting in touch with our regrets and griefs. Taking stock of our lives includes caring for ourselves, being tender to ourselves, because our lives have been imperfect.
The traditional liturgy was written mostly by and for men, who generally experienced themselves to be actors, not acted-upon (at least in their personal lives). For people who have felt themselves to be actors and agents and authors in their own lives, it tends to be most important to focus on the harm done by our own actions to other people. When people who feel powerful feel regret and grief, it is appropriately for what we did, and the longing is to not have done what we did, not to have caused the harm that we caused. These feelings are, however, only the first step toward t'shuvah, toward attempting to fix what we have broken, to repair damage and harm we have done, and if possible to mend relationships. By themselves they are not enough.
For people who have felt themselves to be powerless, acted-upon rather than actors, our regret and grief and longing is for what was taken/harmed/broken in ourselves by other people. It is important to focus on the harm done to our lives as a result of the actions of othersand to honor these feelings of loss and regret on Yom Kippur, as as step toward greater wholeness. This voice hasn't been represented well in our liturgy. Thank you for teaching me to listen for it.