Eliana, you are very sincere and intelligent, just like your parents.
It is difficult to address your dilemma in the framework of a short post, but I want to provide a framework for you to think about.
The Torah is G-d's Word, and as such, it is not easily accessible to mortal men (or women). Halacha is the vehicle by which His Word can be actualized in our physical world. But, if we attempt to measure the infinite by the changing scales of of our own moral compass, we are bound to translate the Torah incorrectly, and misunderstand the message, because we are relating to ideas that are infinite on our own physically biased terms.
The Rambam's ninth principle is that the Torah is "He'etek" - that means: transmuted together with its own context into our world. Attempts to make it fit perfectly into our own culture and lifestyle are futile, for you are bound to discover numerous personal conflicts similar to the one you describe.
Try to study hard and understand the Torah and Halacha as it truly is, and not as we would want it to be.
Eliana, you are very sincere and intelligent, just like your parents.
It is difficult to address your dilemma in the framework of a short post, but I want to provide a framework for you to think about.
The Torah is G-d's Word, and as such, it is not easily accessible to mortal men (or women). Halacha is the vehicle by which His Word can be actualized in our physical world. But, if we attempt to measure the infinite by the changing scales of of our own moral compass, we are bound to translate the Torah incorrectly, and misunderstand the message, because we are relating to ideas that are infinite on our own physically biased terms.
The Rambam's ninth principle is that the Torah is "He'etek" - that means: transmuted together with its own context into our world. Attempts to make it fit perfectly into our own culture and lifestyle are futile, for you are bound to discover numerous personal conflicts similar to the one you describe.
Try to study hard and understand the Torah and Halacha as it truly is, and not as we would want it to be.
B'hatzlacha!