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MJV, I like the quotation, and I think staying true to it is the only way to resolve the conflicts you write about. Intolerance and unacceptance cannot be eliminated in one generation, or sadly, within the lifetime of any one child.

I have observed that in the adoptive parent community it seems to be only jews who are concerned about how to "reconcile" their religious heritage with their family composition. Do you ever see a seminar about "The Protestant Adoption?" Of course not... most other religions welcome, encourage, conversion. So let's be frank, Judaism creates this problem itself. All the learned citation about acceptance of strangers on this thread aside, I think it is self-evident that the majority of jews retain an insular, tribal point of view. It may be domesticated, but it is still usually there. And, it has to be said--Eastern European jews seem particularly susceptible to this, as anyone who has grown up Jewish in the New York area would probably admit, at least privately. The reason there are precepts and commentaries about "accepting" and "welcoming" strangers is because, as a cultural or religious whole, jews aren't good at this.

From a jewish perspective, parents adopting children not born of jewish mothers are pioneeers plain and simple. A religion which reveres children, education, and creating a moral society ought not to have qualms about the simple act of loving and accepting a child, regardless of her origins. The existence of this debate is one factor among many that has caused me to seek to replace the tradition I was raised in.

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