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Jewesses with Attitude

Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger: Jewess With a Bad Attitude?

Is there such thing as being a Jewess with too much attitude? Increasingly, it looks like the answer may be yes, and the evidence is in Millionaire Matchmaker star Patti Stanger. Known for her, er, snarky comments, the loud-mouthed, often-rude Bravo star has seen her fair share of hot water lately for her less-than-kind words about, well, everyone. In the past, Stanger has come under fire her comments about gay men, Jewish men, uncircumcised men, redheads… the list goes on.

Stanger’s show has been on the air for five seasons, but in the last few months, she seems to have really blossomed with malice. Here, an abridged (I swear!) list of some of Patti Stanger’s most insulting insults since August:

  • Among her controversial comments so far were those about gay men made on a September episode of Watch What Happens Live, when she repeatedly insinuated that the gay community values sleeping around above monogamy. When a gay caller asked Stanger for her opinions on open, long-distance relationships, she directed him to the sex-finder app Grindr and told him not to worry: “There is no curbing the gay … I try to curb you people, and you just don’t. I’ve decided to throw in the towel and say, ‘Do what you want.’” Show host and Bravo exec Andy Cohen, who is also openly gay, seemed appalled but let Stanger continue. And then…

  • “You’re very handsome,” Stanger told a gay man who called in via video. “I thought you were straight, so that’s a compliment.” When Cohen, asked how that was a compliment, Stanger unapologetically responded, “Because he’s not queeny!” I don’t have to go into why this is offensive, right?

  • When a female caller lamented that the guys she dates are good at telling her what she wants to hear, Stanger asked if she dates Jews. An again-confused Cohen, who is not just gay but Jewish, too, asked, “What do Jewish men do?” to which Stanger unapologetically replied, “They lie.” Cohen was visibly shocked as Stanger shrugged and the audience laughed: “So I’m a non-monogamous liar?!” he asked. Cue more laughter. (Just as bad: The caller, shown on video, responded, “They do!” to Stanger’s statement.)

  • Stanger recommends that smart women “dumb it down a little” for men during the dating process by not using multisyllabic (sorry, “big”) words and avoiding mention of SAT scores. There was no beating around the bush about how Stanger thinks men feel about intelligent women: “They don’t like them before they are married.”

  • She’s also said that uncircumcised penises are “like Shar peis. They’re terribly unattractive,” and that wealthy men don’t like curly-haired or red-headed women.

Less controversial but no less cruel are Stanger’s nasty comments to the men and women who come on her show hoping to find love (and, presumably, money). Vulture put together a video of her meanest comments yet, from “Are you pregnant?” to “I wouldn’t sleep with you, and I wouldn’t give you a blow job, either,” to “I’m willing to work with you, but you need to wash your hair.” Again, the list goes on.

Stanger has since “apologized” for her remarks about gay men and Jewish men, though everyone else still seems to be fair game (put in quotations because I think most would agree that it doesn’t look a whole lot like repentance). This week, on a new episode of Watch What Happens Live, Cohen asked Stanger whether the controversy surrounding her recent comments has made her more cautious about speaking her mind. Calling stereotypes and generalizations “part of [her] flavor,” Stanger says the backlash from her nastiness has not caused her any second thoughts, save a week of “going inward and … [talking] to God” during Yom Kippur.

Wrote one angry Jewish blogger, “There is nothing appealing or charming about this woman. She is an embarrassment to women, and has all the horrible stereotypes that Jewish women are labeled with.”  When all is said and done, I have to agree. It’s one thing to be a Jewess with attitude – someone who stands up for what she believes in, fights for equality and justice, and doesn’t mind being outspoken when it’s truly important. But it’s another thing to be a Jewess with a bad attitude – mean, spiteful, judgmental and insulting. It seems clear which category Patti Stanger fits in.

Patti Stanger of Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker
Full image
Patti Stanger of Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker

How to cite this page

Bigam, Kate. "Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger: Jewess With a Bad Attitude?." 2 December 2011. Jewish Women's Archive. (Viewed on December 22, 2014) <http://jwa.org/blog/millionaire-matchmaker-patti-stanger-jewess-with-bad-attitude>.

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